Besides University of Phoenix Online and Dartmouth, why aren’t there more grants for strippers, excuse me, “dancers who voluntarily don’t wear fabric”?  Do your part people, write your local Congressman.  Or call.  They love being called.

Yesterday my beloved Buckeyes lost to Purdue, therefore flushing the final floater down the toilet of what was left of our National Championship hopes, so I turned to the bottle.  Which bottle you ask?  Something classy like Makers Mark? Cognac?  Perhaps a French Port?  Never.  I turned to a brilliant new libation entitled “Harlem”.  Yes, it is a liqour, but it should be called a lifestyle.  The only way I can describe this this fine beverage is that it tastes like a poor man’s Jagermeister, or Satan’s asshole.  Either one.  The only way I can recommend this fine product is if you can’t afford Jager, or your Doctor has just recently diagnosed you with the “clap” and Obamacare hasn’t passed yet and you need to something over the counter to take the burn away.  But, if you drink enough of it, you will be able to mentally turn that 4 at the bar into a 7.  In summary, if you’re low on cash, self esteem, or genuinely just don’t give a fuck about life then drink up!  There’s a reason P Diddy says the phrase “Harlem World” in all his rap songs.  You get in where you fit in, and Harlem Liquor is just trying to fit in to everyone’s budget and sexual appetite.  So God bless it. Disclaimer-  This product is made in Harlem, Sweden for which it was named after.  If the people of Sweden knew the irony of this product it would make it even that more special, but they probably don’t. 

All of my friends are really sad over the tragic situation surrounding baby Danielyn, the child of Anna Nicole Smith. Most of them say “Jesus forgot her”. I say bullshit to that. He left her with 2 fathers, one biological, the other just kinda creepy. They may or may not be gay, which is cool for her. It’s kind of like that show “My Two Dad’s”, now available on dvd, which rocks the shit. Plus she is going to inherit a lot of money someday, which will be a plus. So to my friends I say, Jesus didn’t forget her, he just misplaced her for a little bit. And hopefully she’ll be a great rolemodel just like her mom someday.